Great article for all of us singles who choose to wait for God’s best!

“I realize that many of my Devotionals deal with
husbands and wives, parents and children. I also
realize that many of you are not married at the
present time. In our society, you are almost looked
down on if you are not married or involved in a
relationship with someone. Many people feel like
something is wrong with them if they are single.
BEING SINGLE IS OK.

Whether you are single because of a divorce, your
spouse has died, or you have never married, IT IS OK.
The point I want to share with you today is to be
patient. I can assure you, 99% of the relationship
problems I deal with each and every day can be traced
back to people who jumped into relationships outside
of God’s timing and ended up paying a big price. I
realize that loneliness will cause you to make poor
decisions, but you have got to understand the
consequences of those decisions.

The number one problem in relationships is that there
is no spiritual base. While money, communication and
other issues are the most popular reasons for
problems, I assure you the lack of a spiritual base in
the relationship is the reason these other problems
exist. Not having a secure spiritual base is why God
said to not be unequally yoked. He knew without that
base, the relationship would never survive. The base
starts with the personal walk each person has with the
Lord. It is then solidified by both people
bring their faith together as one. The Bible talks
of the man being the spiritual head of his home. It
is important for a man to take this job seriously, and
be the priest in his home. It is his responsibility
to help merge his faith and that of his potential
wife. Praying together. Reading the Word together.
Serving the Lord together. These are all ways for two
people to lay a solid and secure spitirtual base. Let
me tell you this:

WITHOUT A SPIRITUAL BASE, NO RELATIONSHIP WILL LAST OR
HAVE ANY LONG-TERM SIGNIFICANCE.

While I realize finding someone physically attractive,
someone with a nice personality, someone with a good
job may all be criteria in finding a mate, if you do
not focus first on the spiritual side of the
relationship, it is doomed. I want to tell you now,
without hesitation, the reason for the high divorce
rate amongst the people of God is because there is NO
spitirual base in the relationship. This is why
patience is CRITICAL. While the downside to being
single is loneliness, the upside is that it allows you
to grow and develop a real walk with Christ. It also
give you the power over what relationships you will
enter into. There is a power in the fact you have
choices you can make. BE PICKY. BE PATIENT… You
do not have to find someone TODAY. This is where your
faith and trust in God becomes important as well. He
knows your needs and desires. TRUST HIM. Have faith
in Him that He is going to bring the right person in
your life.

I love you and care about you. It hurts me to know
many of you are hurting from the loneliness of being
single. I pray that today you will refocus on your
walk with the Lord. I pray you will realize there is
nothing wrong with being single. I pray you will know
that God understands your needs and desires and He
will bring the right person into your life. I
will add, that like everything, it is a combination of
God’s sovereign will and our responsibility. You
cannot expect to sit in the house, and wait for
the Lord to send the right person knocking at your
door. Like all battles, you need a gameplan and you
need to be faithfully executing the plan each day to
see victory. My emphasis today, though, is that as
you are out looking for a mate, remember that unless
your relationship has a spiritual base to it, it will
not last. Being single is OK!

Use the time to solidify your walk with Christ. Be
patient. Never forget that the Lord loves you and
will bring the right person into you life. Trust HIM
and wait on His perfect timing.”

"Someday, I will die. Someday, I will no longer be, save for a slab of stone with my name engraved on it along with the year of my birth and the year I came back home.

Someday, I will be forgotten from the minds of people. My name will no longer be on their lips. My essence will pass by the corners of this earthly home until it’s no more, like mist that wafts away at the gentlest breeze.

So I start now. To serve and not be recognized. To labor and not receive attention.To be forgotten so I can be closer to home.

I die to the desire to be remembered so that they will only remember Christ. And if they do remember me by chance, may their minds immediately be filled with the light and love of Christ.

My desire is to be forgotten for the sake of Christ, Who alone is my life. To die to this world and come home to Him would be my greatest reward."

       It’s snow season!

       For the adventurous and thrill-seekers, and snow-loving, extreme-sports fanatics, it’s the long-awaited time to hit the slopes with their skis and snowboards.

       Not exactly the extreme-sport-thrill-seeker,  I ventured out with my cousins for the first time last year to go snowboarding. I had gone skiing once before with them a couple of years back and I never quite got the hang of the skis and the poles. Suffice it to say I sorely lacked grace on snow, and I realized then that ice, snow and balance were three things that didn’t mix well with me.

       But that didn’t stop me from trying snowboarding. Oh, well, I thought, I only live once. So, with my other cousin, I joined the first-time snowboarder lessons that was offered. While she gracefully and effortlessly snowboarded down the practice slope, I lost my balance, fell and tumbled everywhere.

        Before we finished the lessons, the instructor said that getting up once you fall would be hard so you’ve got to push yourself straight up with your arms, otherwise you’ll start sliding sideways, which is really difficult to stop.

       So I snowboarded a couple of times, er, fell, tumbled and landed on my bum many times to be more accurate but kept going. Then at one point near the top of the slope, maybe because my bones were tired and my muscles hurt, I fell and couldn’t get up! For the life of me, the ‘push-yourself-straight-up’ move just wouldn’t work! I tried and tried but I started slipping and sliding sideways towards the rocks and trees on the side of the slope!

        My arms started shaking from the strain and I decided to sit there and wait till my strength came back. Suddenly a voice called out to me.

       "Trying to stand up?" A woman’s voice pierced through my tired, aching muscles.

       I looked up to the direction of the voice and found a woman in a pink puffy jacket sitting on a rock among the trees on the side of the slope. She was watching over her small son snowboarding on his own.

      "Yes…trying" I said.

       Then she said, "Look up at the sky and push yourself up."

       I didn’t bother analyzing what she had just said, but just did exactly what she told me.

       I looked up at the sky, the bright sun momentarily blinding me and, with my arms, pushed myself up.

       And up I went! I shot straight up and, before I knew it, was standing up straight!

      "Thank you!" I gushed at the woman.

       Then I snowboarded smoothly all the way down the slope without losing my balance and tumbling all the way. It was the first and only time I actually snowboarded the way it’s supposed to look!

       When I got to the end of the slope, a thought seized me: Oh, my, I just received another lesson on life!

       When life gets you down, when you fall and you keep trying to stand up but just couldn’t inspite of all the effort you put in, look up at the sky–seek the Lord, pray and ask for His strength and grace to pull you through. Ask Him to help you do your part in getting yourself up, and He will infuse you with His strength. It’s hard, but just trust that He will pull you up. As you push yourself up, know that God is also pulling you up. You are never alone in your difficulties. You don’t have to rely on your own limited strength. Surrender yourself into His hands, instead.

       I am reminded of a song from my SFC community that just captures the essence of the incident. The title of the song is "God Is My Refuge" and the lyrics go:

        "And I will lift my eyes unto the mountains from whence comes my help, from the Lord enthroned on high, He is my rock and my salvation I’ll stand firm."

        Another lesson I got reminded of out of my snowboarding adventure was the constant presence of Our Mother Mary through the woman in the puffy pink jacket. The woman was watching the whole time and offered help when I was down on my rear. Like the woman, Mother Mary also watches over us all the time and is Our Lady Of Perpetual Help. The woman told me to look up at the sky. Mother Mary also tells us all to look up to her Son at all times and seek Him. Her central role as our Blessed Mother, as the Church teaches us, is to point us to Her Son that we may bask in His light, love and glorious Presence, and live in His Way, Truth and Life.

       I truly don’t have to rely on my own strength…I’m not at all as strong as I sometimes make my myself to be. I’m only strong when I look up at the sky and ask the Lord for His strength to push myself up and pull myself through. "For when I am weak, then I am strong." I am strong only through His strength.

       Who knew snowboarding could be such a spiritual experience?

Operation Rescue The Bird

       One afternoon in school, our class–students and Paraeducators alike–went to the library. I seated myself in one of the tables half-reading a book, half-watching the kids do their work.

       Out of the blue, a bird flew in from one of the open double-doors of the library and circled above our heads.

      "Aaahhhhhhcccckkkkk!" The kids shrieked. "Bird! Bird! Hey, it’s a bird!" They ducked and peeked through excited arms poised defensively in front of their faces.

       The poor bird flew to the wide, broad fixed window at the back of the library; but it kept banging against the clear, transparent glass. Over and over again, it flew to the window and hit the glass. The bird, obviously, was trying to fly  back to the clear blue skies and tall green treetops outside, but the glass window was barring its way. The poor bird could see its home, but just couldn’t get there. Freedom felt so near, yet so far.

      Soon, after an alternating "thump-thump" from the bird hitting the window and "aacckkk, bird!" from the students, the bird finally grew tired and rested on the window sill, perched as if it were going to try again, looking hopeful that the invisible field would be gone by then.

      When my wits finally came back, I, along with the other adults, stood up and approached the bird gingerly. The bird had a bluish-black coat, and was about the size of a grown man’s hand.

       Tired from its futile attempts to fly out the window, it hopped back and forth on the sill. My first instinct was to carefully catch it with my bare hands, but thoughts of birdflu stopped me. I asked for a plastic bag instead. One of the library aides quickly got me one, which shot the idea that maybe I didn’t have to catch the bird after all.

       Plastic bag fixed the way I wanted it in my hands, I slowly reached for the bird. Hop, hop, hop it went to the edge of the sill. As my plastic bag-covered hands slowly got closer to it, the bird tried to flutter its wings and get away from the wrinkled white glob. It was a point of no return for me so I closed my eyes shut and, through the bag, felt my fingers touch the bird’s feathers, its wings and, finally, its whole warm body around my hands.

       I have the bird! my mind screamed silently. The knowledge sent electric fluid running down my arms.

       "Ms. Cruz got the bird!" "Careful! Careful!" Jubilant but hushed murmurs surrounded me. I turned around slowly. I could feel the delicate structure of the bird. My hold was nervous–unsure how firm my grip should be. I realized that the bird’s fragile life was in my hands literally, and that in an instant, I could easily squeeze the air out of its already nerve-wrecked lungs. I relaxed my hold. Gently, ever so gently, I cradled the bird between my palms and walked towards the double-doors through which it had mistakenly flew in.

       I had planned on walking all the way outside of the library into the open then release the bird to its freedom. But, something a co-worker said distracted me and my hold loosened. The bird jumped on the opportunity and flew away. But it flew too high and missed the opening of the door. Instead, it hit the glass window above the doors!

      "Oh!" We grimaced. But the bird immediately got its bearings, flew lower this time and went straight through the door. To freedom.

The Bird, The Window and Me

       To the bird, the air, blue skies, trees, wide open space represented freedom, happiness, peace, home–things it already had; yet, for some reason, it was lured into flying into the library.  The bird knew it didn’t belong in the library, so upon seeing the view–its home–beyond the window, it flew frantically towards it, but in vain. The deceptive glass of the window mockingly masqueraded as the way to freedom. And it had become an obsession to the bird.

       But, there was another way, and it required someone to help the bird find its way again. For the bird to find the right way, it had to be removed first from the window–the very thing that represented freedom to the bird.

       Understandably, the bird struggled and tried to get away from my hands when I had caught it. It had no idea that I was only trying to help it be free again.

        Perhaps, if the bird had been left alone, it would still be sitting on the sill, or worst, be dead from hitting the glass window over and over again.

        Like the bird, I have everything I already need, but I would still stubbornly venture out to places, situations, and relationships that may seem like a good idea in the beginning but inevitably reveal themselves as a trap.

       A nagging voice would then tell me that I wasn’t in a good place at all, that I was far from good things, far from true peace, far from home, far from my heart, far from my authentic self.

       And so, like the bird, I would also ‘find my window and try to get out’ only to hit the glass over and over again.

       In my life, the window represents ‘looking for love in all the wrong places’, toxic relationships, attachments to things, habits, behaviors, attitudes, etc. that provided fleeting happiness and false promises. I would pounce on this ‘window’ over and over again, duped into thinking that I was getting closer to what I was trying to get to.

        The ‘window’ had become an addiction. It had replaced ‘home’.

        The nagging voice would continue its plea to get away from the window. But I would try to drown it out by hitting it again. To numb the pain, I would fly to the glass and hit it again. Fly and hit, fly and hit. Again, and again and again.

God’s Will and Metanoia: The Way to Freedom

       It is said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results every time.

      Gosh, I’d been insane countless of times, then! How many times had I flown and hit the glass and not get anywhere?

       Fortunately, there was another way, and it required Someone to show me. This Someone had the daunting task of removing me from the ‘window’ that had dangerously become a part of my reality. He had to show me metanoia–a profound change of heart, a change of direction, a new way of living.  He had to teach me to surrender to Him, to His will.

       Like the bird, I anxiously tried to get away when this Someone came. Nobody was taking me away from my ‘window’! But something in me also yearned to be free, to be saved, to surrender to the arms of…a Savior.

      But the pull of the ‘window’ was too strong, and I couldn’t–didn’t want to–be taken away from it. It felt as if the window was stronger than anything.

     However, this Someone was stronger. In fact, He seemed to be the strongest of them all. Too tired and too defeated to get away, I finally surrendered into His arms. For all His strength, He was surprisingly gentle.

     Lovingly, He picked me up and held me as I felt the withdrawal symptoms from being far from the window running its course. He patiently nursed me until I could fly again.

     Soon enough, I was spreading my wings on my way to true freedom. I was on my way home where peace, love and joy reside, where my Savior reigns from whose gaze I’m never far out of reach.

      Though every now and then, new places with big windows would still fascinate me and I would go explore, I know now which ones to avoid. I have to learn to follow a different course. If I happen to find myself trapped because of my own wrong choices, I have faith that my Savior is never far away to save me and bring me back home again.

      As I live in metanoia and strive to follow His will, I have faith that He holds me in His arms and would never let me go.

     I only need to surrender to Him and to His faithul promise of freedom.

      Over and over again.

       In 2003, my sister and her family came from the Philippines to visit us.

       One day, I was sitting in the living room mindlessly watching tv. My brother-in-law, Kuya Nicol, was having a late lunch. Yannick, my then two-year-old nephew, wanted to see what his daddy was eating. Kuya Nicol picked up Yannick and sat him on the table. Soon enough, Yannick spied on the chocolate cake across from him.

      "Cake! Cake!" He eagerly yelled. Quick as a flash Yannick lunged for his dad’s fork. But quicker was his dad who firmly, but gently, caught Yannick’s hand.

     "Daddy lang, Yannick." Kuya Nicol said. He picked up the fork, sank it into the chocolate cake, carved out a sizable piece and gave it to Yannick who had his cute little mouth in a big O.

     "Mmm-mmmm," Yannick said with 100% satisfaction.

      My breath caught in my throat. "That’s how you are with us, your children, Lord!" I thought.

      My attention totally diverted from the tv, I reflected some more on the scene that had just unfolded in our kitchen.

      Many times I acted like my nephew. If I wanted something, anything that I think would give me pleasure or happiness, I would ‘grab the fork‘ immediately and not consider the consequences. Many times as I reached for my dreams or certain goals I would stubbornly follow my will, my way only to end up bruised, hurt and fearful to try again, doubting myself and my abilities.

        But just like Kuya Nicol who told Yannick, "Daddy lang," I realized that God always tells me the same thing, "Rio, my child, let Me do it. Let Me be your strength. Let My will be done."

       "Surrender your will to mine and give me your desires for only I can fulfill them beyond your wildest imagination, beyond your impossible dreams. Without me you can do nothing, but with me nothing is impossible. I want to lavish you with my riches. I’ve given you My Son, have I not? Give me your life and you shall have it more abundantly."

        That day with the cake, a fork and my two-year-old nephew helped me realize to set my sights on better things than a chocolate cake, be present to opportunities I’m given, keep reminding myself to give up my fork to Daddy, and let my Daddy’s will be done.

        Mmm-mmmm, sounds good to me! Thanks, Daddy!

       "And I give my all

       (Take me as I am)

       I am yours, Oh, God

       (Lead me to Your arms)

       And I’ll give You praise

      (For I rejoice in You)

       Till the end of my days

       I give my all

       To You……"

       We sing this song during praise and worship in our Singles For Christ community. But recently, I’ve been having difficulty mouthing the words.

       Singing is praying twice. As such, the song is a prayer to God, and praying is communicating with God. In other words, I am communicating to God that "I give my all" to Him.

       I balk.

       I reflect on the words and remember what Mother Teresa had said before she returned to her Creator, "I give my all to Christ for Christ has given His all to me…"

       With that thought, I can’t sing the song without having my chest cave in, my breath grow short, my throat burn and my tears spill out.

       He has given His all to me. I belong to Him. The question is, can I truly give my all to Him? Can I decide to sincerely live the song and not just sing it?

       What does the song truly mean in the uniqueness of my individuality as a human being? What exactly does giving my all looks like in my own life–in my home, family, work, in my friendships, community/ministry, in my inner life?      

       I reflect.

       I pray–asking, seeking and knocking.

      He leads me back to my heart where He sits in His throne.

       To give my all, my heart has to be free from fears– fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of not being wanted by another human being, etc; and wants–attachments to possessions, thrills, the next big experience, perfectionism, overwhelming emotions, the attention of another person/s. Giving my all to God means dying to my self everyday–dying to my pride, ego, selfish and self-seeking desires, addictions, emotional attachments, emotional thrills, dying to the negative voices inside my head, dying to my wants that don’t bring life.

       As I strive to die to myself, lose my life in His, and letting Him be the true source and goal of my life then I can become fully alive in His glory, for His glory. To give my all to Him means that I have to be detached from the world, even from my community, so that I am free to listen and respond to the voice of my Lover, the Lord. For only through Him, in Him, and with Him can I have everlasting life, a life filled with true joy, lasting peace and enduring love.

       Only then–when I am living for His glory–can I have meaningful relationships. Only then can I be truly present in the moment, living in the moment and not be overwelmed by fantasies, nor be filled with worries about the past or anxieties about the future. Only then can I establish a rhythm in my life– a calm, peaceful, serene way of living in the face of calamities, or mental and emotional disturbances.

       When I am doing every single little thing in my daily life–waking up, brushing my teeth, eating my food, talking to people, walking down the street, driving, thinking, dreaming, writing, singing, serving, crying, laughing, etc–and making the Lord part of it by inviting Him in and His will, then I’m living for His glory.

          Giving my all to Him, and living for His glory is a process; it’s also a process of getting to know oneself in order to know what one’s ‘all’ is. It doesn’t happen overnight. Everything worthwhile takes time. And so I submit myself to the journey step by step, take one day at a time and remember to pray the Serenity Prayer (God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference).

       After all, it’s all about spiritual progression, not perfection.

       By myself, I cannot do it; I get so easily distracted. But He promises to grant His grace that enables us to do His will. Nothing is impossible to God. The Holy Spirit, the Advocate, will give His strength to those who sincerely seek to do His will. He is the constant, faithful Help for those who wish to give their all to Him, so that they can truly say ‘yes, Lord, I give my all to You.’

       And so I sing:

       "Till the end of my days

        I give my all

        To You….."      

Going to the dentist still takes a lot of effort for me, even if it’s just for a regular cleaning. Who knew it would remind me of the cleansing gift of the Sacrament of Reconciliation?

I know full well the importance of maintaining a healthy set of teeth and gums, but I still try to psyche myself up before I go to an appointment by telling myself that: 1.) I’m not a kid anymore; I’m a 30-year old mature, adult woman who is responsible enough to keep her dental appointments and care for her oral hygiene; 2.) Going to regular dental cleanings keep my teeth from rotting and falling off prematurely due to cavities, and keep gingivitis at bay; 3.) The dentist can let me know if there are any other dental work that needs to be done on my teeth or gums so I can maintain a healthy smile.

Going to regular confession also takes effort for me. No matter how long I’ve been on my life-long journey as a Christian, I still psyche myself up before I step inside the confessional box by telling myself that: 1.) I’m a mature Christian who still stumbles and falls, but can trust in the infinite mercy and unconditional love of God that is much more encompassing and powerful than any of my sins 2.) Going to regular confession deepens my love for God and my desire to please Him, reconciling me with Him and His body, the church. 3.) Jesus Christ, though the priest, gently walks me through my areas of weaknesses that I may seek ways to work on them instead of them working on me, praying for His grace to help me seek His will in my life.

Does giving myself a pep talk work? Sure. Somewhat. At least while lying down in the dental chair my monologues get me through the cleaning process without screaming, crying, clawing at the dentist and gouging his eyes out, which are weakly protected by a flimsy plastic barrier. I do squirm whenever the cold straight shot of icy water hits sensitive areas on my gums. I cringe when I hear the low buzzing sound of some long, slim instrument. My hairs stand when the sharp point of the hooked pick reaches between my teeth and breaks stubborn tartar.

In the same way, as I open up my soul and confess my deepest and darkest to the priest, I still feel myself squirm, cringe and my hairs stand due to guilt, shame, sincere remorse and contrition. But God sees a humble, repentant, contrite heart, and blesses it. The more I expose the secret chambers of my heart where sin may lurk, the more I expose myself to God’s cleansing torrent of love. Hearing myself name my sins also helps me realize the roots of my weaknesses and the specific areas I need to work on.

Because of regular cleanings, the dentist often tells me: “Well, it’s definitely good news. The overall health of your teeth is pretty good. Not bad at all. You just have a couple of sensitive areas that you may want to have fixed. Just brush lightly so your gums don’t recede even more.”

And the priest? Ahhh, those blessed words he utters just flow into my heart and soul: “God, the Father of mercies, through the death and the resurrection of His Son has reconciled the world to Himself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins; through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve your from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. Go in peace and sin no more.”

Opening my mouth wide and opening my soul up are necessary for thorough cleansing and healing of the cavities on my teeth and the cavities in my soul. Only the dentist can do something about the cavities and other problem areas in my mouth. Jesus Christ, through the priest, is the only one who can remove the sins and fill up the cavities in my soul with His healing light.

Regular dental cleaning restores the healthy state of the teeth and gums; regular confession restores the healthy state of the soul in grace.

Make your appointment today.

This one’s for the ladies.

Let me tell you a somewhat sad story I’ve seen happen so many times.

It’s about a girl who meets a boy.

What makes this boy stand out for her are his endearing qualities. He pays sincere attention to her and makes her feel welcome and comfortable. He initiates conversations and asks about her day. He listens attentively to her every word and gives appropriate responses, making her feel really special as if his day wouldn’t be complete if he hadn’t seen or talked to her. When he talks to her, his eyes focuses on her and makes her feel warm inside. Plus, he’s a real gentleman who maintains a respectable gentlemanly distance as a sign of respect, treating her like a lady. But he can also be very sweet and affectionate.

The girl can’t help but think he likes her. Wouldn’t you? She, as expected, falls for this boy and develops a crush on him. He isn’t the best-looking guy she has ever seen but there’s something about him that simply draws her towards him. She feels he’s genuinely interested in being more than her friend. He likes me! I think he’s even courting me! She thinks to herself. She starts considering saying ‘yes, I’ll go out with you’ to him when he finally expresses his special intentions for her. It could be any time soon, don’t you think? After all, he has been spending a lot of his time and attention on her. 

But she hears something unexpected. The boy has started courting another girl. She also hears that the boy has been liking this other girl for a long time.

It’s only then that the girl realizes that he has really been just courteous the whole time with her. It’s who he is! He was probably raised up to have good manners and was taught to be polite with women, treating them nicely. She finally sees that he treats every person, not just women, the same way he has been treating her!

Ladies, it’s easy to fall for courteous men. There’s not very many of them out there, after all. But it’s more important to be discerning. Try not to let your emotions get the better of you, and try not to project your feelings onto him. You’ll only get disappointed when you find out that he actually doesn’t requite your feelings.

You’ve got to take care of your heart.

Back in my college dorm days, my attention would always get caught by this poster hanging outside the door of one of the rooms. It says, "Assume Nothing." Now that’s the best advice when it comes to these kinds of things!

Hey, admiration is fine. Being inspired by him is okay, too. But once you start pining away for him and singling him out as the object of your affection when he’s not at all interested in making you the object of his can send you on a tailspin. And you’ll end up with a broken heart.

All because you believed that he was courting you, when he was just simply being courteous.

     "If you cannot live your single vocation well, you cannot live your marriage vocation well." ~Archbishop Tyson, Archdiocese of Seattle, WA, speaking in the Crossroads workshop for the Singles For Christ Nat’l Conference ‘06.

     It takes a lot of courage to be single.

    Ehem, it takes a lot of courage to be single and Filipino!

     At every family gathering (and we, Filipinos, have quite a few), questions relentlessly follow you, the single, around: "O, kelan ka ba?" Meaning, when are you getting married? And a surprised, "Ha!? Wala pa bang boyfriend?" (What?! Still no boyfriend?!). Followed by an accusing, "Masyado ka kasing maselan!" (That’s because you’re too picky).

     Then there are those oh-God-help-me moments when well-meaning people, who are in relationships, turn their attention to you, knit their brows, frown their lips, stroke your hair, and with pity dripping from their voices ask, "How come you’re still not going out with someone?"

      Boy, that sure makes you feel as if there’s something wrong with you!

     Here’s what I believe: I believe that being single and unattached whether looking or not looking, is a dynamic, meaningful and exciting state of life. And here’s another thing I believe: I believe that it’s up to the single to be courageous enough to make it dynamic, meaningful and exciting!

Be in a period of dynamic, proactive waiting.   

        Many people, including some singles, seem to see singlehood as a bus stop where the single just sits and warms the bench, waiting for the bus to come. Sadly, I see some singles either hurrying to skip singlehood as if it’s a curse that must be escaped from, or be in the other end of the extreme languishing in wait for the ‘one’.

      Singles, you are in the bus riding the time of our lives! Enjoy your singlehood! 

      This state is the best time to discern your vocation! What is God calling you to be to better serve His will? The religious life? Single blessedness? Marriage? Getting on the discernment process sends you on a road to deeper self-discovery and self-knowledge, which are essential ingredients in any relationship.        

      While the ‘one’ hasn’t come along yet, live your life and believe that you are enough. You are not half of a whole walking around looking for the other half. You are a whole looking for your complementary whole. God doesn’t make mistakes. He made you whole.

       Part of your journey is to ask Him to reveal to you the holes that may have appeared in your life due to life’s harsh experiences.  As you encounter these holes–weaknesses, compulsions, unhealthy emotional patterns, baggage from the past — humbly ask Him to fill them with His love. The more you discover about yourself, the closer you get to being the person God intended you to be. So work on yourself.

      How you live your life as a single will determine how you will live your life as a married person; because who you are as a single will still be the same you in marriage.

      Are you obsessed with something right now? Compulsive? Impulsive? Angry? Bitter? Resentful? Controlling? Perfectionistic? Co-dependent? Envious? Lazy? Always down on yourself? Do you lie? Sugarcoat? Cheat? Gossip? Have trust issues? Always insisting on yourself?

      People believe that marriage, in and of itself, will make them a better person. For some cases that does happen, because they made a choice to be a better person. But I’ve also seen marriages collapse because the couple had not worked on themselves as individuals first, thinking that marrying the other person would make them a better person or give them the life they’ve dreamed of, as if like magic, out of the hopeless romantic notion that love conquers all! The fact is the other person is just as human and prone to making mistakes. Love does conquer all, but only if you really work hard on it! Love is an action word after all. 

       I repeat: work on yourself. Seek ways that will help you become a better single person. Consult people whom you trust who have wisdom, and understanding who can also provide practical spiritual insight for your well-being.      

       Singlehood is also a time to build on your strengths. Discover your passion and utilize your gifts and talents to spread joy to others. God gave you your unique personality, temperament and inclinations to serve Him and bring glory to His name.  Follow your dreams, live your purpose, be of service to others.

        Be a Man of God. Be a Woman of God.  Be part of a spiritual, vibrant community where you can grow and foster your spiritual life, and meet other people–single or married–who can encourage and support you on your path. This is the time you can begin to be on the path to be all that you can be.

        When you are actively living your life, truly living from the heart and humbly following God’s will, others are attracted to you. They are inspired by you and want to be around you. And perhaps, as a result, the waiting will soon end.

         But in the meantime, have a wonderful, dynamic, meaningful and exciting time, brave single!

        So what to answer to all those questions? "Oh, don’t worry, I’m having the time of my life, praise God!"

Recommended readings:

"How To Find Your One True Love" by Bo Sanchez

"The Courage To Be Chaste" by Fr. Benedict J. Groeschel, CFR

Prayer: the single’s weapon for loneliness when friends aren’t there.

       Here’s a short passage from Fr. Benedict Groeschel’s book that can shed some comfort during those lonely moments in a single’s life:

       "Friends are great but they are not always there, especially in the dead of the night.

       For the single person, the answer is a dedicated and ordered life of prayer. This includes frequent participation in the Eucharistic liturgy and reception of the sacraments. Devotion to Christ in the Eucharis is the emotional center in the lives of many single people. Habits of daily prayer, spiritual reading, and regular meditation have become a part of the rhythm of life. A good regime of prayer can be established in a few weeks and it will carry a person through difficult times…."