Journey to The Center of The Heart

        It was one of those special, magical moments. I’m always swept away at the tenderness of it, at the vulnerability and intimacy.

        One lazy summer evening, too warm to do anything else, I did what other people would do when they were too lethargic to move away from the couch: watch more tv. To my joy, "A Beautiful Mind" was the feature presentation. My interest peaked. I hadn’t seen the movie before.

         My Dad, sitting in his comfy chair, raised his head and became alert, his apathy vanishing into the muggy air. "That’s an Oscar winner, isn’t it? It stars Russel Crowe, doesn’t it? He won Best Actor for that, didn’t he?" He asked. I answered all in one yes.

         A familiar tingling sensation filled me. It was the same feeling I would get whenever I was about to read a really good book, or see a really good movie I knew I would get lost in.

         Pretty soon, Mommy joined us and sat on the computer chair. Because it was her day-off the next day, she could spare an hour or two before going to bed. A movie rarely interested her, much less one shown from our 13-inch tv–her sensitive eyes usually send her to bed half-way through any tv show because of the tiny screen. But when she found out that "A Beautiful Mind" was based on a true story, she decided to stay for a while until her eyes could stand it no longer.

         But the story was too engrossing, too beautiful to miss or leave dangling in the middle. All three of us, with Mommy closing and resting her eyes every so often, were mesmerized at the drama unfolding  between John Nash and his wife, the characters Russel Crowe and Jennifer Connelly played respectively.

        It was so heartbreaking to see the wife struggling with her love for her genius husband who was suffering extensively from a mental breakdown with delusions a part of his reality.  She stood by him when he went through shock treatment. She stood by him when he was almost catatonic from the medication he had to take. She stood by him when he relapsed into his surreal world even when he became violent and threatening.

         From where each of us was sitting, our heads were leaned towards the tv. I had moved to the edge of the opened-up sofa-bed to be closer to the tiny screen.

         The next scene was one I would never forget not so much because the dialogue tugged at my heartstrings, or because my emotions were already hauntingly affected, or because Russel Crowe and Jennifer Connelly were so convincing in their portrayal, but because of what the scene had spurred on in my own living room.

         In the scene, Jennifer Connelly was kneeling before Russel Crowe. She took his hand and gently caressed her face with it saying, "You know what’s real? This is real…" You could feel the undying, unconditional love from her pouring out from the silver screen. 

       Then I heard my Dad get up from his comfy chair. He walked over to my Mom and stood slightly behind her. He bent down, put his hands on her shoulder and softly whispered in her ear, "You’re just as patient with me….."

         Tears sprung from eyes. I tried not to move a muscle from where I was sitting. I dared not look at them for fear that the pristine, gentle moment would shatter from my stare. My eyes stayed on the screen instead. I heard my mom chuckle softly, and I chuckled quietly to myself.

          The moment seemed to stretch the 35 years of marriage between them and played out all the struggles and triumphs, joys and hardships they’ve faced as husband and wife. What they have between them felt so tangible at that moment that I could almost reach out and touch it. But I remained where I was with my arms around my knees hugging them to my chin wondering if I would find a husband like my Dad, or be a patient wife like my Mom.

         I put the ponderings aside and thanked God for the moment. Beautiful nights don’t last long.

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