A Bright Light in the Dark Night
Last night, I went to a talk that challenged my very soul.
Here’s the description of the talk:
‘Mother Teresa’s Dark Night: Crisis of Faith or Gift from God?
In the past month magazines and newspapers around the world have reported on Mother Teresa’s revelations of her long "dark night of the soul." Some journalists claim that Mother Teresa lost her faith. Others argue that her experiences were a unique gift from God. Fr. Kevin Joyce will analyze her revelations using the sources of the Catholic mystical tradition, especially St. John of the Cross’ teachings on the Dark Night.’
The talk, largely drawn from the book, "Mother Teresa, Come Be My Light," was awesome–Mother Teresa’s experience is truly an inspiration to draw from. She went through an intense spiritual purification–a dark night of the soul– that lasted until her death.
In the beginning, she had experienced intense mystical experiences with the Lord. She had enjoyed a very intimate union with God–He would speak to her and fill her soul with His love, light and His Presence. When she first became a nun, Jesus asked her, "Come, be my light." So in love was she with Jesus that she told Him that she would do anything for Him, even drinking from His cup– the cup of suffering. She also expressed that she would be under the pain of mortal sin if she wouldn’t follow Him. She was quoted for saying, "I give my all to God for God has given His all to me." She gave herself as a bride to Christ, and Christ became her spiritual husband. Such was her intimacy with Him.
But when she started her ministry with the poor in India, the spiritual consolations she used to receive from God ceased. This led to a personal crisis for her for she felt that God had abandoned her. She no longer experienced direct contact with Her Lover. It was so painful for her not to ‘feel’ His Presence or ‘hear’ His voice anymore. Prayer became so difficult and dry for her for she no longer felt any emotional stirring within her. Yet, For 50 years, she continued her service to the poor–seeing Jesus in the abandoned babies, the dying woman on the street, or the starving emaciated man by the gutter. She also continued to pray to God even when she didn’t experience or feel His Presence anymore. But her desire and longing for God deepened even more, like a vast bottomless ocean. This whole period was the dark night of her soul.
Inspite of her internal suffering, she continued to tend to the poor and the abandoned. Her inner pain led her to grow closer to them who themselves were in pain. However, no one had any idea what she was going through, except her spiritual directors with whom she constantly corresponded with through letter. Not even her fellow sisters knew her turmoil for she kept radiating God’s love and mercy to everyone who encountered her. She was fun to be around with, full of life and joy to those who saw her. She spoke about God’s love to them, and her faith in Him seemed unshakable.
St. John of the Cross, who died in the 16th century, described the Dark Night of the Soul as an intense purification where the soul unites with the suffering of Christ on the cross when the Lord cried out to God, His Father, "My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?" The soul at this point is free from every attachment, addiction or fleshly desire that hinders its union with God. It only wants to be with God, for God and in God in every way. God allows the soul not to have any experience of Him in this period, so that the soul would only continue to long for Him and nothing else. This is what describes this period of the Dark Night of the Soul: an intense longing for God. The absence of His Presence is an acute pain and emptiness that nothing–absolutely nothing–could fill except Him.
Other saints like John of the Cross, Therese of Lisieux, Teresa of Avila had periods of the dark night but they all came out of it with a profound joy and peace in the end. According to known records, only Mother Teresa never came out of it. Her prayer that she would unite with the passion of Christ was granted until her death. What a gift she had been given!
Oh, there’s so much more that Fr. Kevin covered that all of us could relate to. He covered substantially St. John of the Cross’ work on the Dark Night (there are two kinds, the first dark night is the Dark Night of the Senses where the senses are being purified from addictions, obsessions, emotional attachments, perhaps for the rest of one’s life. Only a few, mostly those who’ve been purified thoroughly through the Dark Night of the Senses, go through The Dark Night of the Soul).
But ultimately, the challenge for me and for all of us, I guess, is this: Will you trudge on and continue to love Him, and serve Him and others even when you no longer feel that you were handpicked by Him to serve in His vineyard? Will you continue to pray diligently even when you no longer feel His Presence or the ‘happy-happy-joy-joy’ emotions that used to swell up in your soul during prayer or praise and worship or when you read the Holy Scriptures, particularly when you can’t seem to trust your own emotions? Will you continue to desire Him even when you no longer feel He desires you?
Am I ready and willing to go through a dark night for His sake? Am I willing to be a bright light in the midst of a dark night?
Sigh. What a woman Mother Teresa was! I keep thinking how hard it is for me even to just hold the cup of Christ in my hands, let alone take a sip from it! While she drank from it to the dregs and persevered to the end!
Mother Teresa, pray for us.
